How Doing Hard Things Changed My Life

I'll admit, this post has been in my drafts ever since I started my blog. So today I decided it was time to change that. 

I heard the name of the book "Do Hard Things: a Teenage Rebellion Against Low Expectations" mentioned a few times over the years, and was very curious to discover the story behind it. About 3 years ago, I finally got my hands on a copy, and I believe I finished it in about two days. (Which is very fast for me, ok?) It was a fantastic book, and I highly recommend it to anyone - especially teenagers - but I'm not actually here to give a review; rather, I'm here to show you how that book affected me, and how I can see the results of it in my life.

So let's take it back a bit. 

Around age twelve or so, I was not a highly motivated young person. Sure, I was motivated to read Charles Dickens, and practice the piano maybe once a fortnight, but that was about it. School was mostly a painful process and my 'hobbies' were very limited. 

Then one day, and I can't even tell you why, I decided to change that. It could have been a conversation I'd had with someone, it could have been the inspiration I gained from reading other people's blogs, or maybe it was even a prompting from the Holy Spirit, but at any rate, I decided I was not going to watch my life go by and let it go to waste.

I believe I was about fourteen when I decided to make the most of the time I had. Languages, learning extra in school, baking, cooking, photography, videography, plays and play writing, talking to older people, reading, writing, researching, trying new things, exercising, seizing every opportunity, organizing events, taking on responsibilities etc...

You could definitely say I'm a bit of an over-achiever, and perhaps I did get a bit excited. ;) But my point is, we get to choose how we spend today. There is nothing stopping you from learning more, from growing and living your life to the fullest extent. We can get paralyzed by the disappointment of our circumstances, the lack of opportunities we hoped for, the staleness of the everyday. Or we can take the fire and restlessness deep within our souls and make something out of it. 

via Pinterest

I don't want to use this as a "look at me, aren't I amazing?" and nor do I want the extent of this post to simply advocate hobbies. I want people - especially teenagers, who are unhappy about where they are in life right now - to see this as hope and inspiration. Pray for wisdom, pray for patience, pray for diligence. Dare to be brave, to dream bigger, to do the unknown, and do it scared.

I would much rather look back on my life with no regrets, and have extra skills, many interests, an added level of knowledge, maturity, independence and preparation for the future, than have little to show. Replacing idleness or laziness with motivation and drive, we can do amazing things. It is not going to be easy, but we can do hard things. We can do great things.

What did this drive get me? Well, I completed grade 11 and 12 in 1.5 years, while also working at a café two days a week, and completing two certificates in Business. This was from the compilation of doing twice the amount of schoolwork every day from the age of 14 onwards, instead of puttering along at a comfortable pace. I learnt French, studied extra Latin and Italian, and began creating videos and working on editing. I began a fitness journey, a habit which has helped me stay healthy and fit for the past 7 years. I was cooking dinner for my family of 8 by age 10 (which, to be fair, was from my mother's urging and not my own, but I grew to enjoy it), so that by the age of 22, I have no concern about being given a recipe or a challenge in the kitchen. 

I earnt enough money while completing school that I could buy my own car outright a year after I graduated. I was qualified to take on a receptionist position and later be offered the position of marketing coordinator because I had done blogging, website work and videography during my school years. I had decided I would take singing and dance lessons once I could afford to pay for it, and began taking private vocal lessons later on. Those lessons then helped me to pursue my passion of singing and musical theatre, assisted by my perseverance of practicing daily and being self-disciplined. I took dance classes once I could afford them, and continued teaching myself at home (YouTube is great, guys) how to tap dance, until I am now able to help my teacher at tap class demonstrate our choreography. I knew I wanted to pursue theatre some day, so I began writing my own plays, reading other play scripts for guidance, and directed and performed in them with my siblings for family members. Without that, I would never have gotten cast as the title role in "Anne of Green Gables" after my first ever audition (with no "formal" experience). (And just putting it out there, my director told me to add the plays I had written and performed in to my theatre experience resume, because he said that totally counted.)

That is just one example from my life. It will look completely different from person to person. But I want the take-away to be this: the drive to upskill will only help you in whatever you pursue later on in life. The motivation to learn as much as possible will give you information and knowledge to be able to be a part of any conversation without feeling out of depth, provide more ideas and nurture creativity. The discipline of perseverance and hard work will only move you forward in your career, your hobbies, your goals, your dreams, and ultimately, your life. 

via Pinterest

If you think you don't have the opportunities you need, think again. I didn't pay for any of the upskilling I sought after. I read books from the library, held conversations with other people who knew about things I didn't, I utilized the resources we had at home and what is available on the internet (and while there is a lot of trash, there are also a lot of helpful resources on there to get you started). Hard work will cost you time and energy, but it will take you further than scrolling through social media.

You don't have to do everything, and maybe instead of picking eight different hobbies like I did, just pick one, and choose your goal, breaking it down into small, achievable steps. Don't be intimidated by the fact that no one your age is doing it, you are not officially trained for it, you're not sure where it will lead, or you're afraid to take the next step. If only more people realized how powerful the bravery of doing it scared is, I think everyone would feel less held back in life. There rarely comes a time when everything falls perfectly into your lap and you don't have an ounce of doubt or wrestle with feelings of inadequacy. I believe we are capable of more than we realize, especially with God on our side. So read the book "Do Hard Things" - they go into greater detail and have some fantastic stories of their own to share. Read up about whatever you're passionate it. And choose to do the hard things. It will change your life.

New Year's Tag (2021)

Hi friends!

It's been a big year. And that's almost an understatement. Each year, since 2017, I have written out the New Years Tag that has made its way around the blogosphere for a long time, for my own personal enjoyment and interest. (It's so fascinating to look back from 5 years ago and compare your answers!)

taken by my little sister, at our last family holiday

Last year, I wrote it out, but almost didn't publish it, because my list felt so "unimpressive" and I was too sad about it. I'm sorry, now, to think of where I was at this time a year ago. And I'm sorry to know how much that girl would go through, and how oblivious she was to the hardships ahead, and how hopeful she was that it would be a perfectly happy year. 

But even though it wasn't easy, 2021 taught me to find beauty in the brokenness, and that is something I will be carrying with me into tomorrow and beyond. So, in the hopes that it may encourage anyone out there who has had a hard year also, and to give you a peep behind the curtains of my life, I will share with you the answers for this year, 2021. (For privacy reasons, I have edited out some names etc.) I have used photos that I took this year, to make it a bit more personal, but also be prepared for a complete photo dump of play photos. ;)

2021 Recap in Questions

What did you do in 2021 that you've never done before?

The obvious answer is be part of community theatre! That was a huge first, as was auditioning, and experiencing a two-show day. I also had my first gig (with my siblings!), sang in front of a paying audience, got a job "promotion", and took myself on a date and went to a friend's wedding by myself. (Hush, this was a big deal for me, guys.) Oh, and I went wake-boarding/tow-surfing!

from our wakeboarding trip

Did you keep your New Years Resolution and will you make a new one?

My resolution for 2021 was very vague, along the lines of "be more intentional with my time; set boundaries and make time for rest", so to some extent, yes? I certainly tried, especially the latter two, but it wasn't some shock transformation. Just baby steps.

My resolution for 2022 is to believe it to be and make it a good year, no matter what it looks like; to think of it as good even if it's not what I dreamed or planned. (If I had to pick a word for the year, it would be resilience.) Essentially, I want to take my joy and hope back that was stolen from me, and strive to be grateful and adaptive, fully trusting God's plan with my life.

I get to wear a cool headset at my job

Did anyone close to you give birth?

Depends on the definition of close, but my cousin had a baby, a close family friend, and two of my work colleagues had babies. And I found out my brother and sister-in-law are going to have a baby and I will be an aunty!!!!

Did anyone close to you die?

Yes, and though it was not my first taste of grief, it rocked me to the core. My dear friend, you will be sorely missed. I hope you know that. I'm sorry you were in so much pain. I'm so glad you are now at peace, with Jesus.

sometimes you have to pull over to take a photo of the sunset

What countries/states did you visit?

Thanks to C*vid, we were not able to venture outside of Queensland, although thankfully it is by no means a small state.

What would you like in 2022 that you lacked in 2021?

Less heartache and division. Peace of mind, freedom from restrictions and discriminations around a certain injection. A role in a musical. The ability to travel.

we each got little trophies with our name
and the role that we played

What date will remain etched upon your memory?

16.02.21 - the day I learned of my friend's suicide, and the day my dream of theatre came true and I got the lead role of Anne. 

11.06.21 - Opening night of Anne of Green Gables!

Our play in action! Was so happy I never fell on my face
on that darn staircase (came way too close)

Did you move house?

Hahaha. Haha. Ha. Ahem. Nope.

Which was the best month?

Perhaps January, because there was the least amount of pain. Otherwise June, when we got to perform our show and it was all just like a dream.

the stage is set

What was your biggest achievement?

Playing the lead role of Anne Shirley and not forgetting one of my 520 lines in any of the six performances! Also just not having a complete mental breakdown was an achievement, to be honest. (I came close at one point.)

What was your biggest failure?

Not being honest with people, and carrying my burdens alone. I made it a lot harder for myself than I could have. Also, selfishness. 

I recreated a photo shoot of my sister and 
her goat from several years ago

Did you experience any illness or injury?

Nothing more than a few colds, although I lost/nearly lost my voice several times. 

What was the best thing you bought?

All the tickets to see shows! I am so glad I did, especially as I am not allowed to for the forseeable future. Also, my "warm-me-up" singing app haha - definitely got my money's worth! And my "Be the Light" yellow hoodie that I bought online which turned up to be extremely bright, and also my favourite.

a mic check for our play, ft. my yellow hoodie

Whose behaviour merited celebration?

*insert sarcastic remarks about Certain Politicians* I guess I'd say Luke and Tammy, our directors forthe play, for all their hard work, thoughtfulness and kindness. They're top-rate folks.

some of my favourite people

Whose behaviour made you appalled and distressed?

Basically any politician ever, but specifically a particularly powerful one from our state.

a photo I took of my older sister

Where did most of your money go?

Car stuff, tires, etc. Also tickets for shows, dance classes, singing lessons and hydro classes.

What did you get really, really excited about?!

BEING IN A PLAY! Let alone playing the title role! And all the incredible people who came to see it (they made me so happy). And the fact that we were sold-out for our second last show. Also, my brother and sister-in-law having a baby!! :)

some of the cast at our after-party from the play
(can you feel the energy in the room?!)

What was the best concert you went to?

Why, the gig my siblings and I did, of course! ;D Hehe. But in regards to shows, Pirates of Penzance at IMTC, West Side Story at QPAC, White Sheep of the Family with LRPA, and the 24 hr musical (which turned out to be Gentlemen Prefer Blondes)! Just all the shows!! And obviously, Anne of Green Gables. ;)

What is a song/album that reminds you of 2021?

The Anne of Green Gables soundtrack and the hymns my sister played on piano for the actual play - specifically a beautiful rendition she did of "How Firm a Foundation". It was played during the closing scene and had this glorious crescendo as I walked off and the lights dimmed. *happy sigh*

deep in rehearsal thought. Peep the cute dog

Are you happier or sadder? (Compared to last year)

Sadder, but learning to find the beauty from the brokenness.

Are you thinner or fatter?

My goodness, how presumptuous of you to ask. :P Neither more, nor less.

Are you richer or poorer?

Richer, but I care even less about money that I ever did.

when we went to Outback Spectacular!

What do you wish you had done more of?

Taken more photos, especially ones of me with the people I love. (I have this terrible hesitation in taking any kind of selfie/groupie, and then regret not taking any photos.) 

I wish I'd had more open, honest conversations, and I wish I had prayed more.

What do you wish you'd done less of?

Social media + screen time, pretending everything was OK when it wasn't, and trying to MAKE things happen.

cute lil' instruments

What was your greatest musical discovery?

Josh Garrels, Carrie Underwood's album of hymns ("My Saviour"), Mamma Mia musical soundtracks... I listened to a lot of Michael Buble, Sleeping at Last and Ben Platt this past year... all the soothing voices...

my poor little boots; they served me well

How did you spend your Christmas?

Well, I was sick, so all our guests decided not to come over. We had our family of seven open presents at home, eat lots of good food, and play games together. Small, intimate, sweet.

How did you spend New Years?

Obviously, it's not yet New Years, but I'm planning on spending it at a friend's house, playing games and eating pizza with a whole bunch of other people. However, I'm still trying to shake a cold, so if it's not gone by then, I guess I'll be spending it on the couch watching a movie, and ringing in the new year with a half-hearted 'hooray!' to myself. ;)

SUCH an epic photo that a friend took.
Can you guess which one is me?

Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?

You know what's ridiculous? I was going to say "I hardly called anyone!" and then I remembered what I do for a day job. *face palm* I would have called hundreds of patients, and let me tell you, it is most fascinating (and often amusing) speaking to so many people from the general public over the phone, and getting snippets of their life. I've also heard the world's strangest voicebank messages.

What was the best book you read?

"Godspace" by Doug Pollock, "Cold Tangerines" by Shauna Niequist, and "4.50 from Paddington" by Agatha Christie, not counting some fabulous re-reads.

my happy place

Did you fall in love?

No... but affection did grow for someone, and a lot of prayers were said regarding that person. ;)

a part of rehearsals you don't know about ;)

What was your favourite TV show?

Didn't watch many, but can I just say we finished "White Collar" after spending 2-3 years trying to find nights when both my sisters AND I didn't have to go to bed early so we could watch an episode?! We did it! We finished it! And I was almost sad. :P Otherwise, "Cranford" (a mini-series?), "Lego Masters", "The Voice Australia" and "The Chosen" (though I have not watched much of the latter).

why would you watch a screen when you can watch this?!

What did you want and get?

The opportunity to be part of a theatre production (other than my own)! Real-life friends who like theatre! (To all my blogging friends who do too, I love you! 😘) A church that feels like it could be home. And to see lots of shows/musicals live!

our well-loved stage <3

What did you want and not get?

To travel. Also, to be in a musical. Flexibility. To see "In the Heights" in cinemas. A flawless mix and belt. (Hahaha, like that was gonna happen.)

our second wig fit. It was so itchy! :P

What was your favourite film? 

"Dune", "Dear Evan Hansen" (I BAWLED MY EYES OUT GUYS), "Hacksaw Ridge", "I Still Believe" and "Knives Out". 

What did you do for your birthday and how old were you?

I was sick (BOO) so for my 21st birthday I stayed home. I opened presents, played games with my family, watched the new "Rebecca" movie (my verdict? Read the book) and old videos of me as a baby/toddler. I postponed a picnic beside a dam (which sounds dreadful but imagine a really pretty lake) with friends and family, which will now hopefully take place in January.

why do I look like I'm checking my pulse? :P

Describe your personal fashion concept?

Comfortable, clean and cute. (Lame, I know. Well, it's a lame question. So there.)

What kept you sane?

Oh, but am I?? 

God, first and foremost. 

Journaling. 

Music. 

Prayer. 

The belief that my life is not about me.

backstage, between shows

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Ehh, not head over heels about anyone. But if I must... Timothee Chalamet is someone I could look at for a long time. :P Also Tom Holland. He's cute.

Which political issue stirred you the most?

The laws barring, shunning and discriminating against those who choose not to get injected, and legalizing euthanasia. There have been so many laws and bills passed that made me want to become a politician and fight tooth and nail.

waiting for rehearsals to start
(told you I liked that hoodie)

Who did you miss?

My friend who I lost. So much. Also my cousins who moved to Sydney last year after they were married, and have not been allowed to return. *hugs*

Who was the best person you met?

Goodness! Lots of theatre people, and work colleagues, and random people I met at dance or hydro classes etc. I genuinely think you can learn something from everyone though, and I value each person who crosses paths with me. 

rehearsing the school scene!

What was a valuable life lesson you learnt in 2021?

Yikes. How long do you want to sit here for? Well, to keep it short, let's say I learnt that every day, you make a lot of small decisions that build up over time; so be careful of what you let into your heart, even if it slowly creeps in. And if you want God to be first in your life, then LIVE like He is first in your life. I learnt you can never please everyone, so don't even try, and don't apologize for something that was never your fault or responsibility to begin with. And I also learnt (and am still learning), that mental health is just as important as your physical health. (All of you needs care and support. <3)

Quote a song lyrics that sums up your year?

"God knows what He's doing

Even when you've lost all focus

He's not done proving that you were made with purpose

He's got something up His sleeve

Beyond your wildest dreams

God knows what He's doing

In you."

(From "God Knows" by Cody Johns. Probably my most played song of the year.)

another new thing - I got highlights in my hair!

What were 5 personally significant events of 2021?

1. Losing my friend to depression. That rocked my world and made me re-think so much about my life.
2. Auditioning + getting the role of Anne Shirley in Anne of Green Gables! No one will ever know just how much that meant to me. It was a dream come true, the most precious prayer made reality, and everything I'd ever hoped for. It was confidence itself.
3. Performing each and every show - each one was a treasure. The rush of applause, the after-party cast hugs behind the curtain, the accolades from family, friends and strangers alike. The little girls that gazed at me in AWE and the few whose mothers asked for a photo with me and them, and who clung to my skirt, holding their breath and sucking their hands. Tammy (my director), whispering in an embrace, "You will always be my Anne." 
4. Getting a "promotion" at work (my receptionist job). My boss sitting me down, saying he felt as though they were 'holding me back' and giving me some tasks with marketing and editing. Choosing to go part-time with this new role and responsibility, and quitting my first job at the café. 
5. Our first family gig! We got to do a two hour set at the Mama Creek Drought Relief concert as the sole entertainment, to a paying audience! It was quite a small audience, but some of our friends and family came out, some driving a long way, and it was so special. <3

our gig night! Ft. our fantastic friend on the double bass

What are 5 things you want to do in 2022?

If C*vid wasn't a thing, this list could be so different...

1. Be part of a musical
2. Write my own musical - or at least make progress on it
3. Learn jazz dance, modern jive and continue with my tap. Also, gain more control with my belting technique
4. Work up to doing the splits (scissors, specifically)
5. Buy a DSLR camera and learn how to use it well

(And if our freedoms were restored, there would certainly be some travel popped on that list as well. But if I can truly wake up each day and tell you why I am on this planet, then that's enough for me.)

my other older sis, looking particularly cool

Who are some people that you'd like to know better in 2022?

Obviously, this is quite a personal question. I'd like to know the man that will someday be my husband, if he is out there. (And no, I do not know who.) I would like to better know certain people that I met through theatre, and some of my work colleagues.

And I want to fall in love with my heavenly Father even more, more than I ever have before.

We have reached the end, my friends. :) Did any of this surprise you? I'd love to see your answers. If anything, tell me, what is one thing you're taking away from 2021, and moving forward with into 2022?

My love to you all, and may we continue forth in hope and courage, trusting He Who holds the future. 

Dream Big or Dream Small?

Hey friends! 

I hope you've all been keeping well. I know I have been quite absent here lately. Since starting back at work with no commitments like theatre, I have been rather swamped all over again, and haven't even found the time to crack open a book, let alone write a post. :( I am endeavoring to correct that, but in the meantime, here is a post I wrote a few months ago for just such an occasion.

via Pinterest

Is it just me, or does the word dream scare you a little?

There are so many different songs and books and movies and stories to do with that one word, and they all have a different opinion on what it should mean.

DREAM BIG.

That's something I have seen all over Pinterest, on posters, as movie taglines, on T-shirts, even the title of books! It seems to be everywhere you look, the world is telling you through this song or on that inspirational quote that we must dream big. Even the Christian author, Bob Goff, has written a book (and has a podcast!) called "'Dream Big". 

So what does it really mean? And what about those books I've read or messages I've heard (especially in conservative, reformed groups) where the Christian circles are pressing in on us saying, "No, dream small! Don't focus your whole life on yourself, or on your own self-centred dreams!"

DREAM SMALL.

I'm sure a lot of women would be rubbed the wrong way if they heard what I've heard, that we as women should not dare to dream much bigger than being a homemaker, a wife, and a mother. I have even heard a Christian song entitled "Dream Small."

So now I'm confused. Christians themselves are telling us two different things! So which is it?! Does God want us to dream big or to dream small? Or is it not about dreams anyway?

First of all, I thought I'd add here a few Bible verses that I believe speak into this, in a way. (Would love to hear some others that have spoken to you in regards to this if you have any to share!)

Psalm 37:4 - "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."

Proverbs 16:9 - "The heart of man plans his ways, but the Lord establishes his steps."

Proverbs 3:5-6 - "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."

Romans 12:2 - "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds, that by testing you may discern the will of God, and what is good and acceptable and perfect."

Ephesians 3:20 - "...Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we could ask or think, according to the power that is at work within us..."

These are some things I have been pondering on, and I have a few Thoughts that I would like to share with you. I understand this could be a slightly controversial - perhaps even sensitive - topic for some, and I respect that. I am open to discuss further with this and hear other view points, as I believe many different perspectives are helpful! So here is mine.

via Pinterest

MY THOUGHTS.

After some pondering and prayer, I came to this conclusion. 

I believe dreams are very specific to us, and sometimes, they're just meant to be between God and ourselves. Dreaming big or dreaming small is perhaps the wrong terminology, as I do not believe one to be bigger or better or more impressive than the other. Indeed, I don't believe one is "right" and one is "wrong". 

Our dreams are beautiful, but they are so unique, hand-crafted by God, shaped to fit our exact personality and longings and talents. Maybe you have a dream of being a business owner, or a famous actress, or one of the world's leading scientists. That's amazing! But what if Laura down the street just wants to be a mother and raise babies in a loving home? That's amazing, too!

A "small" dream may be what's best for you (and who's to say small is less, anyway? Or even small at all? Why is it looked down upon if your biggest battles are fought in learning how God wants you to raise this next generation and leave a legacy for him?)... but God might be whispering something different to my heart. Or vice versa. And that's okay!

We NEED Christians in music, art, business, politics, medical fields, hospitality, education, in every neighbourhood... God can use us anywhere, in any situation. The world needs to hear the Gospel everywhere, and to witness the love of God that is to be poured out through His people... and definitely not just on a missionary field. 

We are each here for a reason. There are no two paths the same, no two dreams the same. Dream big or dream small - it doesn't matter. You are right where you need to be, as long as you're going after the dream that God has placed within your heart, pursing God and His heart...the God Who created you and the dream within you.

via Pinterest

P.S. And for those of you who don't even know what dream it is He has laid upon your heart, don't be afraid or discouraged. Just ask Him. And I bet you, it won't be long before you hear the whisper of God in your heart, leading you to where He'll meet you in even deeper ways, and where you'll find what you were made to do. And spoiler alert - it is rarely one simple thing, but so deep and fulfilling that it will take a lifetime to pursue. 

Playing Anne

 

...Well folks, I'm back.

It's quite hard to know where to start and how to begin, when so much has happened inbetween. Thank you all for your kind comments on my last post - it was so exciting to share it with you! And now I begin the impossible task of putting the last several months into words for you. (I decided to upload some pictures also, as I know how much I love looking at such things. I don't have very many, sadly, as I didn't have much time to take photos, but what I do have I'll share with you.)

The show actually closed over two weeks ago, but I didn't feel ready to write about it before now. There were too many feelings to process, plus I also got barreled over with sickness. (I almost lost my voice the week leading up to our opening night, and goodness me, it gave me a scare. But many cups of tea and hours of vocal exercises later, I managed to hold onto my voice and never lost it for a show... and managed to stay well for every performance as well! Hallelujah!) 

When I auditioned for Anne of Green Gables, I had no idea how much of my life it would dominate and how the show would consume my time and energy. But I wouldn't change it for the world. 

Marilla, Anne and Matthew <3

The rehearsal process went from the end of February up until the beginning of June, and I never missed a single weekend. We went through character development, backstories, then began running through scenes, exploring motives and energy and direction. Surprisingly (to me, anyhow), the directors would pick out certain scenes out of order and we would work through them. We only ran the whole show for the first time maybe six weeks out from performances. 

An interesting fact would be that memorizing my 530+ lines was probably one of the easiest parts! (I can attribute that to a few things; namely, I know the story very well, had grown up listening to a dramatized version on CD with a very similar script, and I also just enjoy memorizing things haha.) I was most nervous about two things; one, remembering the blocking and where my entries/exits were and the sequence of scenes (I didn't have time to spare if I mixed up which scene was next, as I was often scurrying back through the rat run to make it to the other side of the stage on time), and two, my costume changes. I had 5 different outfits, and 4 costume changes during the show, (one of them being in our intermission break). It was fun having so many different outfits, but goodness, I got a bit stressed when for my first costume change, my mother (who was helping me) and I fumbled so much with two sets of buttons that I didn't make it on time for my next scene and missed my cue. XD That was a rude awakening to quick changes, haha. Fortunately, that was still rehearsals, and I spent every run of the show practicing quick changes with the people that helped me in the dressing room. I am very happy to state that, thanks to the many lovely people that assisted, I never missed a cue and made it on time for all of my scenes during performances. ;) (Not to mention that I had to run down two sets of stairs and under the stage to the dressing room and back up again each time - I was often quite breathless and had to try and mask the fact that I was puffing underneath. XD)

Getting my wig ready for our dress rehearsal!

Aside from all that, there were two other things that made the entire process one that I will be eternally grateful for. First, that I was blessed to have such incredible directors that encouraged me, coached me, and supported me all those months. I had a lot of questions, and a nagging self-doubt about the existence of any acting ability on my part. I'm not sure how I would have managed if I didn't have so much encouragement and kind words from the people around me. They built me up in my confidence - enough so that I could walk onstage and not second-guess myself after each scene. ;) It was a genuine struggle, and it still is, but I have come a long way. Every time I think over all the tips and promptings my directors gave me, I'm overwhelmed with thankfulness. I basically got free one-on-one acting coaching! How lucky am I?! 

Second, getting to meet so many amazing and talented people! I thrive in social settings, and wow, this was no exception. There were over 40 people in the cast, not to mention stage crew and directors and volunteers etc. I made so many great friendships, and shared so many laughs. By nature, I'm not too much of a hugger, but goodness, by the end of the show, it was a tradition to hug almost half the cast once the curtain closed. ;) The shows that you do would be nothing without the people you meet.

Posing with our set before our final show :')

Tech week came and went and remarkably, we all survived. ;) Opening night happened the Friday of that week, and I was stunned to find I did not have any nerves. Like, barely any. I couldn't believe it! We'd rehearsed so much, and I felt so prepared, I hardly had any butterflies while standing in the dark, clutching my bag and hearing the recording for people to turn off their phones etc play overhead. I had become so used to numbing my feelings, after being thrown outside my comfort zone the past few months, that I had managed to numb the nerves as well. But not to worry - hearing the audience laugh for the first time was one of the most exhilarating feelings ever! It spurs you on like nothing else.

We had six performances - a Friday night show, a Saturday matinee + gala lunch and Saturday night show, then all that again (x2) the following weekend. One thing I never expected was how different a performance felt depending on the audience, and how startlingly different every audience acted. Some of them were very loud and boisterously laughed - even at parts that I couldn't even understand being funny - and others were extremely quiet, and would laugh politely at a few of the jokes. Some of them would cry and sniffle and blow their noses during the saddest part of the play towards the end (Matthew's funeral), and others would remain icily silent. Sometimes it felt like hard work, warming up the crowd and getting them invested, and other times the energy of the audience carried me along and pushed me to spin my lines in whatever way I could to get a laugh. 

Gilbert posing with some of the girls

I never realized how much energy one can find in performing. How hyped the entire cast was during dress rehearsals and tech week and performances. We had so many snacks going around, and games played between shows, and silly photos taken. I was given four bouquets over the two weekends by dear friends and family, and I had countless members from the audience come up to say how much they loved the show, and especially my Anne. It was surreal. I even had several little girls come up and want to meet Anne, have a hug and take a photo. 😭 I remember when I was a little girl, wanting to meet the actors that played at the children's theatre, and thinking they were superior to any other human being. xD As if they were magic, almost. 

Perhaps magic is a good way to describe theatre. It is magical. Of course, when you're a part of it, and see how much hard work and long hours and unromantic labour goes into it, it does open your eyes a bit more. But producing a show that had so much heart, and seeing the amazement in the eyes of those little girls that stared up at me and stroked my dress to check I was real... I think there must have been a little bit of magic in there somewhere. ;)

after our final show, with my incredible directors, Tammy and Luke

It was an incredible experience, full of highs and lows and challenges and thrills. We had rehearsals where I was onstage for nearly 10 hours straight, with no breaks (I had time to maybe eat half a nut bar). I had an almost mental breakdown a few weeks out from dress rehearsals about not being able to do it. I was forced to say no to several fun invitations and events because "sorry, I have rehearsals". 

And yet... I never forgot any of my lines during the show. We sold over 750 tickets and had a sold-out audience for our final matinee. We had a few dramas backstage, but managed to pull everything together and keep it moving because the show must go on. (I'm telling you, audiences are blissfully unware to the mishaps and emergencies that happen backstage while everything looks perfect and smooth onstage. ;))  And the audience clapped after every performance, so we must have gotten something right. And we made them cry, every show. And laugh, every show. They gasped when the slate shattered over Gilbert's head every time, and they chuckled knowingly when I poured the third glass of  'raspberry cordial' out for Diana. 

Anne, Mr Phillips (out of costume ;)), Diana and Marilla,
waiting to perform a skit at a festival

I will never forget what it felt like to stand on the stage alone, with the spotlight on, saying my final monologue, knowing that this would be the last time I would be living and breathing in Anne's world, seeing life through her star-studded eyes. Anne helped me see the beauty in this world, and how it never leaves you, even when tragedy strikes and darkness pervades. For, as I said every performance, in closing the show,

"... at this very moment, God is in in His heaven, and all is right with the world."

All four of us siblings involved - Mary Jo, Anne,
Prissy Andrews (/Music Director!) and Jimmy Glover.

P.S. I just remembered, for anyone that is interested, I have a public Instagram account @gabriellaambrey where you can follow along with all my theatrical and musical endeavors, if you so desire. :)

In which I reveal a Big Secret...

Literally no kidding about the big secret either. ;)

(Also, before we continue, let me just warn you by saying I don't often use gifs, but I have a lot of emotions to convey in this post, so be warned, haha.)

So, I wanted to let everyone know because (1, it's fun to share in celebration and (2, it will affect how much time I can devote to blogging in the next few months... which won't be much. 

Why? Well, that's a story, isn't it...

In short, because one of my most long-cherished dreams came true. Any guesses?

If you guessed that I met a boy and fell in love at first sight and got engaged, you'd be wrong.

If you guessed I changed jobs or moved to a cottage near the beach, you'd also be wrong.

If you guessed I bought a horse, I'd roll my eyes and tell you that it's my older sisters that are the ones crazy about horses, not me, and yes - you'd be wrong.

But!

If you guessed theatre, you'd be correct. 

(I KNOW.)

(I CAN'T BELIEVE IT EITHER.)

literally me

Earlier in February, a friend of mine sent me an advertisement for auditions in my local(ish) area. It was for a play of Anne of Green Gables, and the auditions were in 6 days. I was like... "Am I crazy?!" (The answer to that would be a resounding YES.)

My excitement spread to my siblings and soon we had three of us - which then changed to four of us - eager to take on the challenge. We all had our first ever auditions together (which happened to be cold reads) and it surprisingly went very, very well. The directors panel were super lovely and encouraging and laid-back, and I must also stress the fact that is is an amateur country production, so it is also just for fun (although they are paid tickets). 

A couple days later (which felt like a couple centuries), we got a phone call. One of the directors wanted to tell us individually what role we were all cast as. My older sister got the role of Prissy Andrews, my younger sister got the role of Mary Jo, and my younger brother got the role of Jimmy Glover. When it came to me, he asked how I was, and then, in a tone of voice that I knew meant he was smiling, he said, 

"So... 

..................................................................................................................................

..... can I call you Anne?"

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The first phase was complete shock:

The second phase was pure elation:

And the third phase (several days later), was freaking out from the pressure to get it right:

On the phone, I'm pretty sure I just said "Oh, wow" in a dumb sort of way, over and over, while my siblings squealed and threw pillows up around me. I couldn't believe it. I still can't believe it! That they would give me, who has had no actual experience, the title lead role of the entire production. I have 530 freakin' lines!! (And the next major character has 112... yeah.) 

So you could say my life was flipped upside down. On top of some other things going on in my personal life, my weekends have changed from chill down-time to up to six hour long rehearsals and my free time is now involving memorizing hundreds of lines and working on character development. Thus you could say blogging is most likely going to fly out the window so that theatre can move in. I won't forget about this little space, but I also doubt I'll have time to share much. However, I fully intend to store up every precious moment of this adventure in words and photos and memories, which I will hopefully be able to share parts of afterwards.

this just gives me thrills

I might pop in and out of here between now and the performances in June, but I do hope you all have a lovely next few months, and I will have many wonderful stories to share when I get back! 

Now please excuse me while I go finish freaking out.