I'm Still Alive

So at what point do you just give up from sheer embarrassment at the length of time between posts? (Just asking for a friend... is 14 months too long?)

Well, hello.

Hello, friend.

It's been a minute. I'm still alive. 

via Pinterest

I'm not sure where to begin. I technically wrote the first version of this post at the end of 2022, but decided not to publish it as I had no clue when I would post again. I really dislike posting once every 6 months, or 2 years, and I wanted to provide some consistency if I was to return. I've been itching to get back into writing again. So, please take the fact of me posting this as a promise to try and provide some consistent posts moving forward into this year. (I mean, we're already in March, but hush.) I've been scurrying around finishing up a handful of drafted posts so I can actually back myself this time, in case I get swamped by life again. 

Part of the reason I can feel semi-confident to keep my word this time is because I've cut back on my work hours this year, to have time for things like this. And my own sanity. Because that deserves a bit of my time, too. ;) (Oh, and time for theatre, not going to lie.)

I guess I'll start by summing up how 2022 disappeared. (I wrote one post in January, and then vanished, ha!) That year got tangled up with working around 37 hour weeks, faithfully going to singing lessons (and loving it as much as ever), learning first jazz dance then modern jive dancing, doing music gigs, and musicals. There were many emotions felt over the course of that year. It started out difficult (imagine you ask your community theatre to do one of your dream musicals - Little Women - and they put on said dream musical, but because of government mandates you are not allowed to participate, so you stand by and watch other people perform it). A lot prayer of requests for grace, which lead to helping backstage for said dream musical once the mandates were lifted (but the show was already cast and well into rehearsals). It was very humbling and powerful, to LITERALLY shine a spotlight on the cast onstage, and mic all the performers for every show. A show that I wanted to be a part of with every inch of my being. (But that's a whole other post... which will be coming later.)

And then, a new opportunity. Another musical; perhaps not a favourite, but a well known one. I auditioned, more for the sake of not letting this opportunity go by with regrets, and for practice. I was confident I had completely bombed it afterwards, as my nerves had made my voice shake. (Even though I knew I had told a story well, the perfectionist within me waved it all away with the excuse of failure.) 

I got the call. I was in! I was cast in Mamma Mia! An ensemble member (and later found out, hand picked by the music director out of around 35 people to be a group of 8 for a small vocal group; the only ensemble (with a cast of 50+) to be given a mic and three extra songs). I laugh now, when I look back and remember how I thought being an ensemble member would be a breeze after playing the role of Anne. Little did I know, I would have to learn twenty songs, and multiple dances, and what felt like endless harmonies.

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A lot of growth took place within those few months. (Plus a lot of imposter syndrome, in every way, shape and form imaginable.) The theatre company was a lot bigger and higher-standing than the previous one I'd become a part of, and I travelled over an hour both ways for rehearsals three times a week. (Which meant on a Monday and a Wednesday, I'd travel 45mins to work, work an 8 hour shift, drive 45 mins back, eat dinner in 10 mins, and drive 1hour 10 mins to rehearsals, rehearse from 7-10pm, then drive 1 hour 10 mins back.) Oh, and work the next day. Like I said, crazy. But a whole lot of fun. Mamma Mia! was like a 2.5 hour party onstage.

There was an ongoing journey with healing, grief, and the craving to know God in more infinite and deeper ways. A longing for His church and a caring community. 

By the end of 2022, I was at a bit of a loss. I loved my life and wanted to start from scratch all at the same time. How does one find balance? To continue working and growing, to pursue what you love and sets your soul on fire (in my case - singing, dancing, acting, theatre, music), to grow closer together with others, study the Bible with fellow believers, sing songs of praise and worship, move your body daily... and yet somehow still have time to potter around the kitchen late into the evening, with the soothing tones of Michael Bublé playing on Spotify, or tickle the ivories and make sure you don't lose a skill that was sorely obtained? 

I wanted to have time to just sit, and think, in my daily schedule. Cuddly our little baby bunny. Look at what my little sister made that day or watch what new sports trick my little brother could do.

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So I decided to drop my work hours. Nothing major, but it was an exciting milestone for me. After tossing it over in my head for a year, I finally sat down with my boss. I do love my work place, I love what I get to do, but I was not ready to commit even more of my life and energy and time to it. I now work four days a week, most of which I am in charge of a local head office (which makes me endlessly happy, mostly because I can choose the background music based on whatever mood I'm in). (I know, it's the little things.)

Some people would think I'm going backwards. That I'm crazy for not accepting a higher position in the company, or pursuing to climb the ladder. But that's not for me. Not at this point in my life, anyway. At the end of the day, the most precious commodity we have is time. And I knew if I looked back in twenty years, I would not regret taking care of myself, loving others well, and being happy and fulfilled with my life. On the other hand, I knew I would regret spending even more hours at work if it meant I was unhappy, burnt out, and empty (even if the numbers in my bank account were big and shiny).  

So here's to a fresh start. Here's to taking care of yourself, your body, your mind, and to taking care of others. Here's to living your life the best way you know how, regardless of the many voices telling you to do more. Here's to slowing down a little, so that you're ready when the fast days come. Here's to filling up the cup, so that you're not running on empty. And here's to you, wherever you are right now. If you've been running on empty for a long time like me, here's your invitation to slow down and know that you have a choice. You can rebuild your life if you have to. It doesn't need to be one huge decision (although it can be). It could just be a lot of small, baby steps, that lead you to a healthier version of yourself. I hope you value yourself enough to do that.

Until next time. Xx (Which I promise won't be in two years.)

New Year's Tag (2021)

Hi friends!

It's been a big year. And that's almost an understatement. Each year, since 2017, I have written out the New Years Tag that has made its way around the blogosphere for a long time, for my own personal enjoyment and interest. (It's so fascinating to look back from 5 years ago and compare your answers!)

taken by my little sister, at our last family holiday

Last year, I wrote it out, but almost didn't publish it, because my list felt so "unimpressive" and I was too sad about it. I'm sorry, now, to think of where I was at this time a year ago. And I'm sorry to know how much that girl would go through, and how oblivious she was to the hardships ahead, and how hopeful she was that it would be a perfectly happy year. 

But even though it wasn't easy, 2021 taught me to find beauty in the brokenness, and that is something I will be carrying with me into tomorrow and beyond. So, in the hopes that it may encourage anyone out there who has had a hard year also, and to give you a peep behind the curtains of my life, I will share with you the answers for this year, 2021. (For privacy reasons, I have edited out some names etc.) I have used photos that I took this year, to make it a bit more personal, but also be prepared for a complete photo dump of play photos. ;)

2021 Recap in Questions

What did you do in 2021 that you've never done before?

The obvious answer is be part of community theatre! That was a huge first, as was auditioning, and experiencing a two-show day. I also had my first gig (with my siblings!), sang in front of a paying audience, got a job "promotion", and took myself on a date and went to a friend's wedding by myself. (Hush, this was a big deal for me, guys.) Oh, and I went wake-boarding/tow-surfing!

from our wakeboarding trip

Did you keep your New Years Resolution and will you make a new one?

My resolution for 2021 was very vague, along the lines of "be more intentional with my time; set boundaries and make time for rest", so to some extent, yes? I certainly tried, especially the latter two, but it wasn't some shock transformation. Just baby steps.

My resolution for 2022 is to believe it to be and make it a good year, no matter what it looks like; to think of it as good even if it's not what I dreamed or planned. (If I had to pick a word for the year, it would be resilience.) Essentially, I want to take my joy and hope back that was stolen from me, and strive to be grateful and adaptive, fully trusting God's plan with my life.

I get to wear a cool headset at my job

Did anyone close to you give birth?

Depends on the definition of close, but my cousin had a baby, a close family friend, and two of my work colleagues had babies. And I found out my brother and sister-in-law are going to have a baby and I will be an aunty!!!!

Did anyone close to you die?

Yes, and though it was not my first taste of grief, it rocked me to the core. My dear friend, you will be sorely missed. I hope you know that. I'm sorry you were in so much pain. I'm so glad you are now at peace, with Jesus.

sometimes you have to pull over to take a photo of the sunset

What countries/states did you visit?

Thanks to C*vid, we were not able to venture outside of Queensland, although thankfully it is by no means a small state.

What would you like in 2022 that you lacked in 2021?

Less heartache and division. Peace of mind, freedom from restrictions and discriminations around a certain injection. A role in a musical. The ability to travel.

we each got little trophies with our name
and the role that we played

What date will remain etched upon your memory?

16.02.21 - the day I learned of my friend's suicide, and the day my dream of theatre came true and I got the lead role of Anne. 

11.06.21 - Opening night of Anne of Green Gables!

Our play in action! Was so happy I never fell on my face
on that darn staircase (came way too close)

Did you move house?

Hahaha. Haha. Ha. Ahem. Nope.

Which was the best month?

Perhaps January, because there was the least amount of pain. Otherwise June, when we got to perform our show and it was all just like a dream.

the stage is set

What was your biggest achievement?

Playing the lead role of Anne Shirley and not forgetting one of my 520 lines in any of the six performances! Also just not having a complete mental breakdown was an achievement, to be honest. (I came close at one point.)

What was your biggest failure?

Not being honest with people, and carrying my burdens alone. I made it a lot harder for myself than I could have. Also, selfishness. 

I recreated a photo shoot of my sister and 
her goat from several years ago

Did you experience any illness or injury?

Nothing more than a few colds, although I lost/nearly lost my voice several times. 

What was the best thing you bought?

All the tickets to see shows! I am so glad I did, especially as I am not allowed to for the forseeable future. Also, my "warm-me-up" singing app haha - definitely got my money's worth! And my "Be the Light" yellow hoodie that I bought online which turned up to be extremely bright, and also my favourite.

a mic check for our play, ft. my yellow hoodie

Whose behaviour merited celebration?

*insert sarcastic remarks about Certain Politicians* I guess I'd say Luke and Tammy, our directors forthe play, for all their hard work, thoughtfulness and kindness. They're top-rate folks.

some of my favourite people

Whose behaviour made you appalled and distressed?

Basically any politician ever, but specifically a particularly powerful one from our state.

a photo I took of my older sister

Where did most of your money go?

Car stuff, tires, etc. Also tickets for shows, dance classes, singing lessons and hydro classes.

What did you get really, really excited about?!

BEING IN A PLAY! Let alone playing the title role! And all the incredible people who came to see it (they made me so happy). And the fact that we were sold-out for our second last show. Also, my brother and sister-in-law having a baby!! :)

some of the cast at our after-party from the play
(can you feel the energy in the room?!)

What was the best concert you went to?

Why, the gig my siblings and I did, of course! ;D Hehe. But in regards to shows, Pirates of Penzance at IMTC, West Side Story at QPAC, White Sheep of the Family with LRPA, and the 24 hr musical (which turned out to be Gentlemen Prefer Blondes)! Just all the shows!! And obviously, Anne of Green Gables. ;)

What is a song/album that reminds you of 2021?

The Anne of Green Gables soundtrack and the hymns my sister played on piano for the actual play - specifically a beautiful rendition she did of "How Firm a Foundation". It was played during the closing scene and had this glorious crescendo as I walked off and the lights dimmed. *happy sigh*

deep in rehearsal thought. Peep the cute dog

Are you happier or sadder? (Compared to last year)

Sadder, but learning to find the beauty from the brokenness.

Are you thinner or fatter?

My goodness, how presumptuous of you to ask. :P Neither more, nor less.

Are you richer or poorer?

Richer, but I care even less about money that I ever did.

when we went to Outback Spectacular!

What do you wish you had done more of?

Taken more photos, especially ones of me with the people I love. (I have this terrible hesitation in taking any kind of selfie/groupie, and then regret not taking any photos.) 

I wish I'd had more open, honest conversations, and I wish I had prayed more.

What do you wish you'd done less of?

Social media + screen time, pretending everything was OK when it wasn't, and trying to MAKE things happen.

cute lil' instruments

What was your greatest musical discovery?

Josh Garrels, Carrie Underwood's album of hymns ("My Saviour"), Mamma Mia musical soundtracks... I listened to a lot of Michael Buble, Sleeping at Last and Ben Platt this past year... all the soothing voices...

my poor little boots; they served me well

How did you spend your Christmas?

Well, I was sick, so all our guests decided not to come over. We had our family of seven open presents at home, eat lots of good food, and play games together. Small, intimate, sweet.

How did you spend New Years?

Obviously, it's not yet New Years, but I'm planning on spending it at a friend's house, playing games and eating pizza with a whole bunch of other people. However, I'm still trying to shake a cold, so if it's not gone by then, I guess I'll be spending it on the couch watching a movie, and ringing in the new year with a half-hearted 'hooray!' to myself. ;)

SUCH an epic photo that a friend took.
Can you guess which one is me?

Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?

You know what's ridiculous? I was going to say "I hardly called anyone!" and then I remembered what I do for a day job. *face palm* I would have called hundreds of patients, and let me tell you, it is most fascinating (and often amusing) speaking to so many people from the general public over the phone, and getting snippets of their life. I've also heard the world's strangest voicebank messages.

What was the best book you read?

"Godspace" by Doug Pollock, "Cold Tangerines" by Shauna Niequist, and "4.50 from Paddington" by Agatha Christie, not counting some fabulous re-reads.

my happy place

Did you fall in love?

No... but affection did grow for someone, and a lot of prayers were said regarding that person. ;)

a part of rehearsals you don't know about ;)

What was your favourite TV show?

Didn't watch many, but can I just say we finished "White Collar" after spending 2-3 years trying to find nights when both my sisters AND I didn't have to go to bed early so we could watch an episode?! We did it! We finished it! And I was almost sad. :P Otherwise, "Cranford" (a mini-series?), "Lego Masters", "The Voice Australia" and "The Chosen" (though I have not watched much of the latter).

why would you watch a screen when you can watch this?!

What did you want and get?

The opportunity to be part of a theatre production (other than my own)! Real-life friends who like theatre! (To all my blogging friends who do too, I love you! 😘) A church that feels like it could be home. And to see lots of shows/musicals live!

our well-loved stage <3

What did you want and not get?

To travel. Also, to be in a musical. Flexibility. To see "In the Heights" in cinemas. A flawless mix and belt. (Hahaha, like that was gonna happen.)

our second wig fit. It was so itchy! :P

What was your favourite film? 

"Dune", "Dear Evan Hansen" (I BAWLED MY EYES OUT GUYS), "Hacksaw Ridge", "I Still Believe" and "Knives Out". 

What did you do for your birthday and how old were you?

I was sick (BOO) so for my 21st birthday I stayed home. I opened presents, played games with my family, watched the new "Rebecca" movie (my verdict? Read the book) and old videos of me as a baby/toddler. I postponed a picnic beside a dam (which sounds dreadful but imagine a really pretty lake) with friends and family, which will now hopefully take place in January.

why do I look like I'm checking my pulse? :P

Describe your personal fashion concept?

Comfortable, clean and cute. (Lame, I know. Well, it's a lame question. So there.)

What kept you sane?

Oh, but am I?? 

God, first and foremost. 

Journaling. 

Music. 

Prayer. 

The belief that my life is not about me.

backstage, between shows

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Ehh, not head over heels about anyone. But if I must... Timothee Chalamet is someone I could look at for a long time. :P Also Tom Holland. He's cute.

Which political issue stirred you the most?

The laws barring, shunning and discriminating against those who choose not to get injected, and legalizing euthanasia. There have been so many laws and bills passed that made me want to become a politician and fight tooth and nail.

waiting for rehearsals to start
(told you I liked that hoodie)

Who did you miss?

My friend who I lost. So much. Also my cousins who moved to Sydney last year after they were married, and have not been allowed to return. *hugs*

Who was the best person you met?

Goodness! Lots of theatre people, and work colleagues, and random people I met at dance or hydro classes etc. I genuinely think you can learn something from everyone though, and I value each person who crosses paths with me. 

rehearsing the school scene!

What was a valuable life lesson you learnt in 2021?

Yikes. How long do you want to sit here for? Well, to keep it short, let's say I learnt that every day, you make a lot of small decisions that build up over time; so be careful of what you let into your heart, even if it slowly creeps in. And if you want God to be first in your life, then LIVE like He is first in your life. I learnt you can never please everyone, so don't even try, and don't apologize for something that was never your fault or responsibility to begin with. And I also learnt (and am still learning), that mental health is just as important as your physical health. (All of you needs care and support. <3)

Quote a song lyrics that sums up your year?

"God knows what He's doing

Even when you've lost all focus

He's not done proving that you were made with purpose

He's got something up His sleeve

Beyond your wildest dreams

God knows what He's doing

In you."

(From "God Knows" by Cody Johns. Probably my most played song of the year.)

another new thing - I got highlights in my hair!

What were 5 personally significant events of 2021?

1. Losing my friend to depression. That rocked my world and made me re-think so much about my life.
2. Auditioning + getting the role of Anne Shirley in Anne of Green Gables! No one will ever know just how much that meant to me. It was a dream come true, the most precious prayer made reality, and everything I'd ever hoped for. It was confidence itself.
3. Performing each and every show - each one was a treasure. The rush of applause, the after-party cast hugs behind the curtain, the accolades from family, friends and strangers alike. The little girls that gazed at me in AWE and the few whose mothers asked for a photo with me and them, and who clung to my skirt, holding their breath and sucking their hands. Tammy (my director), whispering in an embrace, "You will always be my Anne." 
4. Getting a "promotion" at work (my receptionist job). My boss sitting me down, saying he felt as though they were 'holding me back' and giving me some tasks with marketing and editing. Choosing to go part-time with this new role and responsibility, and quitting my first job at the café. 
5. Our first family gig! We got to do a two hour set at the Mama Creek Drought Relief concert as the sole entertainment, to a paying audience! It was quite a small audience, but some of our friends and family came out, some driving a long way, and it was so special. <3

our gig night! Ft. our fantastic friend on the double bass

What are 5 things you want to do in 2022?

If C*vid wasn't a thing, this list could be so different...

1. Be part of a musical
2. Write my own musical - or at least make progress on it
3. Learn jazz dance, modern jive and continue with my tap. Also, gain more control with my belting technique
4. Work up to doing the splits (scissors, specifically)
5. Buy a DSLR camera and learn how to use it well

(And if our freedoms were restored, there would certainly be some travel popped on that list as well. But if I can truly wake up each day and tell you why I am on this planet, then that's enough for me.)

my other older sis, looking particularly cool

Who are some people that you'd like to know better in 2022?

Obviously, this is quite a personal question. I'd like to know the man that will someday be my husband, if he is out there. (And no, I do not know who.) I would like to better know certain people that I met through theatre, and some of my work colleagues.

And I want to fall in love with my heavenly Father even more, more than I ever have before.

We have reached the end, my friends. :) Did any of this surprise you? I'd love to see your answers. If anything, tell me, what is one thing you're taking away from 2021, and moving forward with into 2022?

My love to you all, and may we continue forth in hope and courage, trusting He Who holds the future. 

New Years Tag {2020}

Hello friends!

This tag has been going around for years, and I for one have always loved reading them. Ever since 2017, I've filled out this tag and enjoyed going back and comparing my answers and seeing how far I've come! 2020 being the year it was, I did try to get creative and keep the answers interesting as far as possible, since I obviously wasn't able to get up to as much as I'd hoped. I also cut out some questions for privacy reasons, in case you're wondering why some are missing. Enjoy! :)

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What did you do in 2020 that you've never done before?

I took tap dance lessons, I bought my own car, and I started working full time hours.

Did you keep your New Year Resolutions and will you make a new one?

In a manner of speaking, yes, but it was not how I envisioned it to be. My resolution for 2020 was to be brave and do all the things that I had previously been too scared/unable to do. I did do a few things that fit that bill (drive in the city, get a new job, be more independent), but I definitely did not get some of the opportunities I'd hoped for. My new resolution for 2021 is to just be more intentional with my time, especially in boundaries and making time for rest. (If I were to pick a word for the year, it'd be peace.)

Did anyone close to you give birth?

No one specifically close to me, no.

Did anyone close to you die?

A sweet friend of mine passed away from a freak accident. I was not particularly close to her, but it was a dreadful shock and I will miss her dearly.

What countries/states did you visit?

Haha. Ha. Alas, only New South Wales (Australia), but we can be thankful I even got that far. ;)

via Pinterst

What would you like in 2021 that you lacked in 2020?

A chance to join the community theatre, seeing musicals live, and way better decision making skills.

What date will remained etched upon your memory?

Um... maybe 02/09/2020 - the day I started my new job?

Did you move house?

Heck no. Didn't even rearrange my room. :P

Which was the best month?

Well, I can tell you which is WASN'T, ha! January and February were both lighthearted and lovely, and December also never disappoints (and I got more sleep, so that's a plus.)

What was your biggest achievement?

I guess getting my new job (and sticking at it while it was hard-going)? Also, honestly just making it through this year and still being able to smile because at one stage there I thought that was impossible to do either.

What was your biggest failure?

Falling into very negative thoughts during lockdown, not trusting God when I couldn't see a way, and terrible methods of handling conflict.

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Did you experience any illness of injury?

I bypassed most illnesses and injuries, but I also came a long way in my gut health and discovered I was lactose intolerant and also had silent reflux. What fun (but good to know). 

What was the best thing you bought?

Dance lessons! No regrets. Also my car, I guess.

Where did most of your money go?

Into savings! But also to my car and dance lessons.

What did you get really, really excited about?

Seeing Wicked live. (What did I get really, really sad about? Not being able to see Wicked live. Thanks, Covid.) I was REALLY excited for Christmas this year, because I was dying for some positivity and familiarity to lift my spirits.

What was the best concert you went to?

 *cries* I didn't get to go to any. But out of the virtual ones I attended - "The Hang (NY)'s Christmas concert" (which I found through Instagram... Corey Cott was a guest singer, and Laura Osnes gave a little speech too :)). Also, the play/musical  called "Robbery Gone Wrong" my little siblings and I put on (that I wrote) was pretty good too. ;D

Look at 'em cuties.
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What is a song/album the reminds you of 2020?

Hmm... maybe "Blessings" by Laura Story? It seemed to really fit with what I was going through during 2020. 

Are you happier or sadder?

I'd be lying if I said I was happier. There was a part of my crazy, carefree self that got lost when the harder times hit and it never came back. But God is still good, and there is still joy to be found.

Are you thinner or fatter?

Ahem. :P My, these questions don't hold back. I honestly think I'm exactly the same, although perhaps musclier, haha.

Richer or poorer?

Probably slightly richer, but the car took a nice chunk out, haha. ;)

What do you wish you had done more of?

Telling people I needed help, taking for photos of people for the memories, and encouraging others.

What do you wish you'd done less of?

Stressing, over-thinking, and wasting time on my phone. (Some days I want to chuck that thing.)

via Pinterest

What was your greatest musical discovery?

"For King and Country", "Lauren Daigle" and "Sleeping at Last". Also, the musical "Love Never Dies". I didn't listen to much new music, though, which is something I need to rectify!

How did you spend your Christmas?

First at home with immediate family, exchanging gifts, then at my great aunt's with the extended family, playing games, swimming in the neighbours' pool (or in my case, swinging in the hammock), eating lots of food, playing carols and at night, watching "White Christmas" while eating dinner.

How did you spend New Years?

On New Year's Eve I went to a friend's house with another friend and my sisters for a relaxed night of games and food, and on New Years Day I did Laserforce with a big group of friends and then went back to their house to chill and learn some modern Jive dancing!

Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?

Centrelink, when I was on hold for 14 hours. Grr.

What was the best book you read?

"Love Does" by Bob Goff, "Heartless" by Marissa Meyer, "Rhythms of Renewal" by Rebekah Lyons, "Live" by Sadie Robertson Huff and "Bread and Wine" by Shauna Niequist... to name a few. :D

Did you fall in love?

Let's just say my answer would disappoint all the romantics out there.

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What was your favourite TV show?

Still "Gilmore Girls" and "White Collar", but you can also add "Ambulance" and "Paramedics" to the list. "The Mandalorian" was pretty good, too.

What did you want and get?

Did I mention dance lessons? ;) Tap dance, specifically. Also a new job outside of Hospitality, more savings, more independence (too much, at times) and a strong desire and dedication for reading the Bible.

What did you want and not get?

An opportunity to be part of a theatre production other than my own, mainly. Also, to see a show or musical live, and to travel.

What was your favourite film?

"Jumunji" (2017), "Love Never Dies" (filmed on stage for the Melbourne cast with Anna O'Bryne), "Hamilton" (2020), "Mamma Mia", "Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again", "Tenet", "Enchanted", "The Grinch" (2018)... again, really need better decision making skills. ;)

via Pinterest

What did you do for your birthday and how old were you?

I turned twenty, and, like the mature adult that I am, I played games with my family and ate pizza and cheesecake and watched "Newsies: the Musical" (filmed on stage).

Describe your personal fashion concept?

Ehh? Practical, pretty and probably three years behind the current fashion trend.

What kept you sane?

Prayer and surrendering everything to God over and over. Endless podcasts, and talking to people about my worries and having them listen.

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Um... maybe Jonathon Crombie as Gilbert Blythe? ;)

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Which political issue stirred you the most?

DON'T GET ME STARTED ON POLITICS FOR 2020. To keep it national, the state elections and handling of our Covid restrictions by our premier.

Who did you miss?

Basically everyone during isolation. I missed seeing my family when working really long days.

What was a valuable life lesson you learnt?

No matter what you will walk through in life, God is ALWAYS there beside you and He is enough and He will always be enough.

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

I would point you back to Laura Story's "Blessings":

"What if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near

And what if trials in this life are Your mercies in disguise"

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What were 5 personally significant events of 2020?

1. Working with my cousin for his accountancy business as his personal assistant for a few days. It meant a lot that he asked me, we had quality time together, and having it on my resume was part of what got me a job!
2. The whole Covid ordeal - I did a LOT of heartwork during some of the loneliest, darkest months of my life. It really changed a lot of things for me.
3. Performing "Robbery Gone Wrong" and also completing a 30 Day Singing Challenge on my Instagram, back in March, where I publicly shared my singing online and got so much kind feedback!
4. Getting my new job was very significant as it was something I've been working towards for years and I couldn't believe I actually got the position! Also, getting my own car was pretty cool.
5. Seeing my three other cousins all get married this year was significant to me as I won't see them as much and it also made me feel how very... single... I am. :P

What are 5 things that you want to do in 2020?

1. Be part of my community theatre! Whether that be as part of the cast or even working backstage.
2. See more shows/productions live!
3. Become better at saying no and creating boundaries for myself, even if it means letting opportunities go by in order to take up another.
4. Hold a handstand and do the splits.
5. Take great care of my health, including physical and mental wellbeing.

Who are some people you'd like to know better in 2021?

I'd like to know other theatre fanatics in my local area so that we can have that in common. I'd like to know whoever it is that God puts in my path to know. But above all, Abba, Father, I want to know you in deeper, richer, more intimate ways.

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Let's dive into this year with peace that God is in control of our today and bright hope for tomorrow! 

Some Quiet Thoughts on 2020

Hey friends!

Ironically, I have six drafts already mostly done in my posts folder, but none of them felt like the right time to publish. (Or maybe I'm just overthinking it.) So I decided, instead, to spontaneously write something, and share it with you.

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It's currently late Sunday afternoon, and I'm sitting in our air-conditioned living room. I have a cold (which is very rare for the middle of summer) and have felt terribly lousy the past few days. Outside, my little brother and my Dad are playing light sabers as they let the pet goat out (my little brother is obsessed with Star Wars currently - we literally sat down to watch "Revenge of the Sith" the other day, and he was giving us a quiet commentary on what each planet was named and what every insignificant character was called. Things that I've never even HEARD of! He said he read it in a book. xD He gets Star Wars books out from the library, you see). ANYHOW.

In short, it's a quiet afternoon on a seemingly insignificant day and I am here to address my thoughts, particularly those for this upcoming year. I know you've all been bombarded with "New Years Resolutions", "My 2019 in Review", "My goals for 2020" etc, and I don't mean to exhaust the topic for you. (Thus I didn't post my New Year's Tag that I wrote out in one of my notebooks... although if anyone WANTS to see it, let me know.) But instead, I just mean to share a few small, simple ponderings about 2020.

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I will admit, I am (and always have been) one for lists, goals and resolutions. If you were to consult my new bullet journal, you would find 3 financial goals, 3 fitness goals, 6 life goals, 11 healthy habit goals, and a few other lists I have not yet finished... yeah, I think I go overboard sometimes. ;) But, as I was reminded in Olivia's post, goals and resolutions are not essential. And I find I always stress myself out ridiculously over the sake of something that is supposed to keep me LESS stressed! (Isn't that what lists are for?!) So I want this year to focus on keeping with my resolutions, but also giving myself GRACE. To be gentle with myself, and others. One thing I regret not doing more of in 2019 is RESTING. I was so into hustling and Getting Things Done, that I would often find myself exhausted, with no time to relax, unwind, or give quality time to my friends or family. And that, friends, means my priorities had Issues. So this year, I aim to remember that rest is just as important as productivity, because without one, the other tips the scales and leaves you scrambling around trying to get your life together.

(To be clear, by the way, I have no idea where this post is going - somewhere good, I hope. Bear with me.)

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I'll spare you all my goals for 2020, and just give you a run down on my 'resolution', of sorts. (Don't worry, it's nothing fancy.)

To summarize all my goals and ideas for the next 12 months, I simply want to focus on this: letting go of everything that has held me back in the past, and going after things that I've either been too scared or unable to do before. I don't want to let fear or anxiety call the shots anymore, and I want to use this year - while I'm still learning and growing in confidence and independence ;) - to learn priceless lessons and chase after the things that set my soul on fire. While I have the time, energy and motivation to do hard things, why not say no to all the lame excuses and just go and DO THEM???

I want to follow whatever the Lord has placed on my heart with courage and confidence, and step out in the knowledge that Jesus is greater than any pride, laziness or fear that I struggle with. With God, anything is possible. So why not reach for the stars? If I fall, I fall into His arms.

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2020, let's DO THIS.

Do any of you have a similar 'resolution'? What has been on your heart of late? What has God been whispering to you? I'd love to talk about it!!